The Best Places and Ways to Hide Your Sex Toys

If you have a surplus of sex toys, this can mean one sure thing: you might have limited storage options. Don't worry, I'm here to help as much as I can.

If you own a sex toy, and God knows if you're reading this, then you must understand the importance of finding a safe place to hide all your toys. Even if you live alone, you might be thinking about hiding your toys just to be completely safe. Trust me, the last thing anyone wants is for something as personal as a sex toy to be found by someone else. If you're like me, you might care less about this. I love showing off my collection of vibrators. It's a great conversation starter and an impressive way to make someone you really don't want to talk to, not talk to you again! However, I treat my toys with great care and store them carefully in a locked chest under my bed. While I'm okay with this, I still don't want my child or brother-in-law to find them. So the point is you need to lock them up or risk having a big conversation with a nosy relative or friend about what they're currently up to. Before we move on, let's share some experiences to drive the point home and kick the fallen tree a bit more.

My wife and I were at a friend's house having a barbecue. Night fell, and the kids went to bed. However, a four-year-old girl wanted to sleep in her parents' bed. So the dad tucked her in and proceeded to join us in the living room for drinks. (Side note: This is starting to sound like a police report... I apologize if I'm in the moment.) Anyway, a few minutes later, the four-year-old came into the room and announced to everyone, "Look... look... I'm a princess and here's my wand..." I saw a bright neon pink flash in the air. My eyes couldn't believe it before the mother gasped and snatched it from her daughter. Some people fainted, and the father stopped to assist the embarrassed woman. I sat there somewhat confused, telling myself all sorts of things like: "Was that a dildo... was it a huge dildo... why was it neon pink... God, that dildo was huge!" See what I'm saying. You have to look beyond until someone finds your sex toys. What you should really be worried about is what the person will think once they discover it. By the way, to add sauce to the story, one of my friends turned to see what the girl was doing just in time to be hit in the face with said dildo. It was a great night.

So with all this said, there are plenty of creative and great ways to keep your toys safe and secure. The best way I've found is to buy a tote bag. Todounplacer.es sells cheaper bags that are ideal for this. You can put your sex toys inside and then hang it from a typical clothes hanger. Then, simply tuck it in the middle of some clothes in your closet and voilà! I've suggested this to a few people as a cheap and effective alternative to the toy box, and they say it works perfectly. It's perfectly camouflaged, and if someone were to find it while browsing your closet, then they simply don't deserve to be your friend. Seriously... who does that? However, there are some people who, in that case, don't worry. There are plenty of other options. You can also buy a toy bag and slide your favorite and most used toy in the middle of the bed. So it's easily accessible whenever you feel the need.

Personally, I like to keep my toys locked up. There are a great number of chests available at TodoUnPlacer.es. Not to mention the condom holders that perfectly hide your condoms from prying eyes. Before storing your sex toys, make sure they are clean and dry to avoid any issues. Also, make sure the batteries are removed to prevent battery decay. I have two chests to be exact. One holds all the toys we use regularly and lives under the bed. We're lucky to have drawers under the bed that aren't visible unless you know they're there. If you don't have anything like this, may I suggest a nightstand. Either way, I would choose a chest that comes equipped with a lock, just to play it safe. My other chest is hidden high in my closet inside a typical shoebox. This serves two purposes. One, it's out of reach of small children, and two, who is going to look in a shoebox?

There are plenty of options, and I really hope this helps. Just remember, you never want to be in a situation where you have to apologize to one of your friends after your daughter hits them in the face with your neon dildo! God, that thing was huge!