Couples Sex Toys Guide: Ideas, Games and Tips

If you've been with your partner for a while and you want to explore new kinds of pleasure together, sex toys can be a great way to bring something fresh to your sex life. And they're more common than you might think: in a national survey of 1,723 heterosexual adults in Germany, 52% said they used sex toys during partnered sex (Döring et al., 2020).

It's important to understand that sex toys don't replace the intimate bond you share with your partner. They're an addition that can enrich what you do together. There's often a stigma around using them, but bringing them into your relationship can open up a world of possibilities and shared discoveries. Far from replacing connection, they can be a good excuse to talk about what you like, something no toy can do for you.

For couples who have been together a while, it's natural for routine to settle into the bedroom. For many couples, trying something new together is a way out of it. Experimenting with toys can also help you get to know each other's preferences better. So why not give them a chance and see where this new adventure takes you?

Let's start with foreplay. Toys can be a great addition to foreplay, stimulating erogenous zones in new ways. If you want something to warm you up before the main event, try a small vibrator or a clitoral massager. You can use them slowly to build desire and arousal. Vibrating cock rings are also a popular option, since they give both of you pleasure at the same time. Using sex toys together can help you explore new sensations and enjoy intimacy as a couple in a different way.

When you choose to bring toys into penetration, communication is key. Talking about what you like and what you don't will make the experience more enjoyable. A clitoral suction toy can be a powerful ally during sex. While one of you is focused on penetration, the other can use the suction toy to intensify pleasure. You can also experiment with dildos for role play or to explore the G-spot. The versatility of toys makes every encounter unique and stimulating.

If you're looking for a way to add a little spice to your nights, games and challenges with toys can be a lot of fun. Imagine a game of erotic dice where each number stands for a different toy or action. Or maybe a pleasure roulette wheel where each spin leads you to new sensations. Sharing these games can be a way to strengthen the bond between you.

If you're in a long-distance relationship, app-controlled toys are a real game changer. With models that connect through an app and the internet, one of you can control the other's toy from another city or country. You both need coverage, and it's worth checking what permissions and data the app asks for. Imagine your partner's surprise and delight when you decide to turn on their toy at the least expected moment. This doesn't just keep you connected, it also adds an element of surprise and excitement that can be very arousing. Remote toys can help couples feel more connected and keep the spark alive.

After play, aftercare is just as important. Take a moment to look after each other, whether with touch, hugs or just chatting about what you enjoyed most. This is the perfect time to talk about what worked, what didn't, and what you want to try next time. Open, honest communication is key to continuing to explore together. Two studies by Muise and colleagues (2014), one with 335 people and one with 101 couples followed for 21 days, associated spending more time on affection after sex with higher sexual and relationship satisfaction.

Remember, the main goal is to enjoy yourselves and explore together. There's no strict manual, so feel free to be creative and experiment. What matters is that you both feel comfortable and satisfied with the experience. Have fun and enjoy the journey!

The easiest approach is to clean the toy right after you use it. Warm water and mild soap are your best allies for most materials, but always check the manufacturer's instructions. If the toy is fully waterproof (submersible), you can submerge it; if not, use a damp cloth. Remember that proper cleaning of your toys helps prevent infections. If you share a toy, use a condom on it or wash it well between one person and the next, and don't move it from the anus to the vagina without washing it or changing the condom. Washing isn't always enough: in a small study with 12 women, HPV was still detected on one of the two vibrators tested 24 hours after cleaning it with a commercial product (Anderson et al., 2014).

When you decide where to keep your toys, think about privacy and easy access. Sharing a storage space is practical and builds complicity, but make sure each toy is in its own individual bag to avoid reactions between materials. Silicone toys, for example, can be damaged if stored directly next to toys made of other materials. If the toy uses batteries, take them out before storing it to avoid corrosion; if it has a rechargeable battery, charge it from time to time, because it lasts longer if it isn't left empty for long periods.

If your play includes items like harnesses, give them a little extra attention. Leather harnesses need a specific cleaner and a conditioner to stay flexible. Fabric ones, on the other hand, can be hand washed or put through a delicate cycle in the washing machine. Always air dry them, without a dryer or radiator, to avoid heat damage. By taking care of each item, you make sure your fun moments as a couple are always enjoyable and safe.